Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Baby Names for Foodies

Expecting a bundle of bok choy joy? Here are six lists of baby names that will put the ‘munch’ in your little munchkin’s moniker. Whether it's baby names for foodies, vegans, paleos, junk-food junkies, drinkers or bakers, there's something from the Lentil Breakdown naming incubator that's sure to fit your high chair.

These baby names for vegans were not tested on animals.

Baby names for paleos were conceived of in a grain-free facility.

These baby names for junk-food junkies are free of all nutrients.

These baby names for drinkers do not include Shirley Temple.

These baby names for bakers contain gluten and dairy.

No child should go hungry or unnamed. Please pin and share these with your friends. Bon appétit teat!

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Friday, January 10, 2014

My Therapy Session with Dr. Sigmund Food

"Food Intolerances" (#4 in the Dr. Sigmund Food series)

Dr. Food: Vhat brings you to my couch today?

Lentil Breakdown: Food intolerances. My allergy test shows I shouldn’t eat wheat, corn and eggs. Doc, I’m depressed about being intolerant.

Dr. Food: Zen go to za Museum of Tolerance and look at za holocaust victims. You should be so lucky your vurst problem is you can’t eat vheat!

Lentil Breakdown: I know that consciously, but I still feel deprived. Food is my life. I have a food blog!

Dr. Food: Don’t vee all? Did I tell you about mine? It’s called Oedipal Edibles. I subconsciously cook all my mother’s recipes. Turns out I'm in love vith her tuna casserole!

Lentil Breakdown: Yeah, you told me in a previous session. But doc, I already avoid processed foods, GMOs, meat, unsustainable seafood and I eat very little dairy. Without wheat, corn and eggs, what’s left? Enough with the rice, millet and quinoa already! Plus, it’s a real pain for me to eat out, as my former friends will attest. How will I visit Latin America without eating corn? How can I rendezvous in Paris without croissants, tarts, galettes, quiches and soufflés? I want to carry a baguette under my arm and walk along the Seine.

Dr. Food: Vell, you can carry it. You just can’t eat it!

Lentil Breakdown: How would you like to go to Vienna and not eat the strudel and linzer torte?

Dr. Food: I believe in torte reform. In fact, I hear Volfgang Puck makes a vunderful sachertorte vith sorghum flour!

Lentil Breakdown: I bet it tastes more like a soccer ball.

Dr. Food: Zen zink of it as za belle of za ball. Perception is everyzing.

Lentil Breakdown: I perceive I’m craving cakes, scones, frittatas, polenta and tacos!

Dr. Food: Vell vhat vill happen if you eat zose zings?

Lentil Breakdown: I’ll have fatigue, a headache, brain fog, skin problems, thyroid issues, higher cholesterol, inflammation, and even depression.

Dr. Food: Vell, let’s do a leetle behavioral cognitive zerapy. Try to associate how you vill feel from eating zose foods so you von’t vant zem anymore. Visualize you just ate a pizza from Pizzeria Mozza.

Lentil Breakdown: But that pizza is to die for! It’s my death row meal! If it’s my last meal on earth, what do I care how I feel?

Dr. Food: Zen zink of another dish! I’m trying to verk my magic here!

Lentil Breakdown: Okay, here goes. I’m feeling logy and drained, I can’t concentrate, I have a headache, and I’ve gotten nothing done all day—and that makes me feel really bad about myself.

Dr. Food: Now visualize za foods zat make you feel good.

Lentil Breakdown: Organic fruits, veggies, legumes, grains and nuts. My skin is clear, I have lots of energy, and I can focus on writing wise-ass doctor dialogue in my blog. 

Dr. Food: Aw, I'm blushing. Now turn zat into a mantra.

Lentil Breakdown: Pizza—bad. Energy and focus—good.

Dr. Food: Zat vun’s not too catchy. Keep verking on it.

Lentil Breakdown: My health is my wealth.

Dr. Food: Zat vun’s a leetle corny. Vhat else you got?

Lentil Breakdown: I don’t need Mozza's perfect pizza crust to complete me!

Dr. Food: Don’t you write zees zings for a leeving? Rewrite!

Lentil Breakdown: I am complete with plenty to eat!

Dr. Food: Zat vun is client-approved! Now say it vunce more vith feeling!


Dr. Food: Vell, you don’t have to yell! Zees eardrums are za only vuns I got! Zen I’ll see you next veek. Hello?

Lentil Breakdown: Oh, sorry, doc. I was daydreaming about Mozza’s funghi misti pizza and how that gorgeous crust is the perfect alchemy of flour and yeast, creating a brilliant canvas for the fontina and taleggio cheeses and quartet of warm chanterelles, shiitakes, oysters and creminis.

Dr. Food: I see vee have plenty more verk to do. Cha ching! And vipe the drool off your chin on za vay out.

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Thursday, January 2, 2014

Pickled Turnips

Hello. Have we met? You may have run into me at a falafel stand. Well, maybe not me, but a member of my tribe. They call us torshi (pickled vegetables) in the Middle East. You can find us in the Balkans and throughout the Mediterranean too. We really get around. 

Here I am when I was just a bare-naked turnip. How embarrassing. You can see I needed a bikini wax. Is that why I'm not popular among Brazilians? How come carrots get all the root-vegetable love? Hey Brazil: I'm hot stuff too!

But I can't take all the credit for my sex appeal. A fresh beet is what gives me my pink pulchritude and girlish glow. Vinegar and garlic add to my tantalizing tang and babe-alicious bite.

People love me in a pita with falafel and tahini. They say I cut the grease from the falafel. But with Lentil Breakdown’s No-Feel-Awful Falafel, there is no grease, so you might not really need me. But after you keep me around for a week, I know you'll want me. I'm seductively salty, savory, sour and satisfying. Oooh. You'll want me bad.

Pickled Turnips (recipe adapted from David Lebovitz)

3 cups water
1/3 cup kosher salt
1 or 2 bay leaves
1 cup distilled white vinegar
2 pounds turnips, peeled
1 small beet or a few slices from a regular-size beet, peeled and cut in half
3 cloves garlic, peeled and thinly sliced

1. In a saucepan, heat about one-third of the water. Add the salt and bay leaf, stirring until the salt is dissolved.

2. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature. Then add the vinegar and the rest of the water.

3. Cut the peeled turnips into batons, about the size of French fries. Put the turnips, beets and garlic slices into a large, clean jar (I needed two jars—see my notes below), then pour the salted brine over them in the jar(s), including the bay leaf.

4. Cover and let sit at room temperature in a relatively cool place for one week. Then they can be refrigerated until ready to serve.

I used two jars for this amount: one pickle jar and another mason jar the size that spaghetti sauce comes in. I added another bay leaf to the second jar.

The pickles will keep for several weeks in the refrigerator. They are not only good alongside falafel, you can serve them in a Mediterranean meze platter or any appetizer tray.
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