American Empire Abroad, Part 2: Portugal

Read Part 1 

American emperor Ray Kroc brought his golden arches to Lisbon, displacing the natives from their terraced territory. 

The golden-arched empire brought golden glitz to the city of Porto in a strategy to convert the regal Port wine region into high-fructose cola territory.

The Kroc empire nabbed Italy's national beverage, brought it to Portugal, and anointed it the "Big Mac-chiato".*   

The empire then pillaged France's pastry with the "Big Mac-aron".*  

An American “Caesar” invaded Portugal, only to be ensconced in a power grab with his Mediterranean rival.

An American aggressor landed in Portugal, unleashing targeted submarines all over the country.

In what is commonly referred to as the "Dummy Diaspora," American Dummies were expelled to Portugal, although the majority still remain in their homeland.

*Big Mac-chiato and Big Mac-aron are the intellectual properties of Lentil Breakdown.

Related Links:

American Empire Abroad

10 Things I Ate in Portugal

Fugly Lentil Hummus

Lentil Hummus may not be as popular as her cousin, Garbanzo, or as pretty as Beet and Edamame, but she's got a great, protein-packed personality. Truth be told, her cousin, Black-Eyed Pea isn’t much of a looker either. But have some compassion. Fugly needs love, too.* 

So to all the wallflowers sitting in the fridge on a Saturday night:

You are so beautiful to me

You are so beautiful to me

Can’t you see?

You’re every bean I hoped for

You’re every pea I need

You are so luminous

Luscious and leguminous to me

* Lentil hummus may be portrayed as "fugly" to compensate for blogger's food-styling skills.

Lentil Hummus Recipe

1 cup dried brown lentils

Salted water

Bay leaf (optional)

3 cloves garlic

3 TBSP tahini

3 TBSP lemon juice

½ tsp cumin

½ tsp salt

Boil the lentils in a pot of salted water (and add bay leaf if using) for about 20-30 minutes until chewy, but not mushy (start checking them before they turn to mush). Drain lentils and let cool.

Place cooked lentils, garlic, tahini, lemon juice and spices in a food processor and purée (if you want it smoother, purée more). If too thick, add a little water for the consistency you like. Adjust spices. Hummus will keep for about a week in the fridge.

Meet the family:

Beet Hummus

Edamame Hummus

Black-eyed Pea Hummus

Cheater's Lavash Crackers