More Food Network Pitches (the Out-takes)

In my recent Zester Daily piece, Kale Wars? Dumpster Divers? Must See Food TV!, I came up with three Food Network pitches for more nourishing television. So if you haven’t yet savored every scintillating word, please hop over there, savor, scintillate and come back for the out-takes that were a little too out-there for a respectable food site. 

If you liked my "Food Activist Star," "Dumpster Divers" and "Kale Wars" concepts for more filling, yet thrilling television, I hope you'll enjoy this wacky, tacky twosome, too. Here goes:

Skid Row Kitchen

Format

Nice guy Tyler Florence mentors six homeless people from LA’s Skid Row as they vie for a culinary school scholarship. We see them briefly before they are cleaned up and given housing.

Episodes

Each week, the “culinarians” are taught a basic cooking skill, ending in the preparation of a communal dish that will be served at a homeless shelter. The kitchen scenes will be intercut with scenes of them in their communal housing environment. They are judged on both their kitchen performance and interaction with fellow culinarians. There are two judges—a chef and a mental health expert who will provide as-needed counseling, plus onscreen commentary. Each week, the culinarian who is eliminated will be assigned a social worker who will help find that person housing and a job.

Finale

The final two must cook a meal for the judges. The winner gets free housing for a year and a scholarship to attend culinary school.

Thrilling

Knife-wielding, unpredictable street people playing with fire? That's hot!

Filling

The audience will have a deeper understanding of the homeless as they attempt to re-enter society and turn their lives around.

Chef Africa

Format

This adaptation of the "Iron Chef" franchise pairs two celebrity chefs each week in a different ebola-free African country who are assigned a local ingredient for a timed cook-off.

Episodes

Each week, we see the chefs being chaperoned through the local market, interacting with the people. Cut to the chefs in the kitchen studio, each with two local assistants. They have one hour to cook and improvise a multi-course meal around one ingredient that must be in all the dishes. Alton Brown gives the blow-by-blow account, and we also hear commentary on the ingredients’ history, culinary traditions and nutritional information by agronomists, farmers and a nutritionist. The two judges are Ethiopian-born, New York celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson and one local chef. 

Sample episodes and promo dialogue:

Week 1 

Paula Deen and Sandra Lee in Ethiopia; Ingredient: bambara beans

Paula: "You’re gonna love these bambara beans, y’all!"

Sandra: "Dried bambara beans are inexpensive and make festive tree ornaments."

Week 2

Martha Stewart and Ina Garten in Angola; Ingredient: egusi

Martha: "Egusi seeds. They’re a good thing."

Ina: "Egusi soup. How easy is that?"

Week 3

Rachael Ray and Giada De Laurentiis in Botswana; Ingredient: marama

Rachael: "30-minute marama in a little EVOO? Yummo!"

Giada: "This easy marama dish will be perfect for Jade's lunchbox. And Todd's gonna love it, too!"

Week 4

Bobby Flay and Guy Fieri in Guyana; Ingredient: lablab

Bobby: "Lablab. I can't wait to get grillin'."

Guy: "Hey, it’s Guy in Guyana. I'm gonna make a fierce lablab chili."

Finale

The winners from the previous shows return and are assigned to two final teams. The winning team donates the prize money to an African food nonprofit of choice.

Thrilling

Fish-out-of-water celebrity chefs. Foreign ingredients. Paula Deen in Africa. It’s a Neilsen bonanza! 

Filling

It will enlighten viewers about different farming practices and cuisines of the world, promote multiculturalism and help eradicate xenophobia.

These out-takes may be a little out there, but trust me. They're completely doable. 

Food Network execs: Have your people call my people. My personal assistant will pencil you in.

Kale Wars? Dumpster Diving? Must-See Food TV!

This article originally appeared on the food site Zester Daily.

I haven’t watched the Food Network since kitchen turned coliseum. The old shows served up a relaxing, aspirational escape, but once they got all Cutthroat, I cut the cord. Instead of relaxing and aspiring, I was stressing and perspiring. Sheesh. If I wanted that kind of anxiety, I’d cook dinner myself. 

With guys full of tats and swagger and show themes like Superstar Sabotage, the Food Network has perfected its junk-food formula to a T. Must-see-testosterone-TV. 

According to The Atlantic, the five most-watched primetime shows on Food Network this year are competitions: Food Network Star, Worst Cooks in America, Chopped Tournament, Cutthroat Kitchenand Guy’s Grocery Games. According to Nielsen, the 20 most-viewed primetime shows on the Food Network pulled in a median of roughly 1.1 million viewers per episode in 2014, compared to 255,000 viewers per episode in 2000.

Sure, the Food Network has its salt-sugar-fat formula down, but what if it could provide content that both entertained and nourished—edgy and educational—while keeping the ratings intact? Who says suspense, conflict, humiliation and ring-molded entrées with Jackson Pollock-inspired plating can’t have a higher calling? So before the Food Network goes from offal to worse, I propose it start feeding viewers something more nutritious.

Here are three ideas for more filling, yet thrilling Food Network shows. 

#1 Food Activist Star

Format

Former Congressman Dennis Kucinich mentors six “food fighters.” They each have a cause they fight for, whether it’s stopping a retail grocery chain from carrying meat with antibiotics, getting a processed-food company to stop using GMO ingredients, getting a fast-food company to stop sourcing pork from pigs raised in gestation crates or getting a school district to stop sellingsoda in vending machines. 

Episodes

Each week the food fighters have an assignment, from crafting a strategy and creating a campaign to getting media attention and planning a rally. At the end of each show, one food fighter is eliminated. The three judges are Woody Harrelson, Michael Pollan and activist blogger Vani Hari, aka Food Babe. There will be additional commentary by experts in the field. 

Finale

The final two fighters meet with corporate execs from two companies that represent the opposition. The winner is judged on both the effectiveness of the meeting and the campaign as a whole. The prize is the winner’s choice of seed money to start a nonprofit or a year’s salary to work for an existing nonprofit.

Thrilling

The feisty Kucinich gives planetary do-gooders a tough-love education in food politics. Think Donald Trump with a bigger brain and smaller comb. And live wire Woody Harrelson as a judge? ‘Nuf said. 

Filling

Viewers will be inspired to work toward a food system that is healthier for people and the planet, while learning how politics influences our food supply.

#2 Dumpster Divers

Format

Jeremy Seifert, filmmaker and star of the film Dive!, hosts two teams of “divers” who hunt for food in dumpsters behind grocery stores. We witness vast amounts of wasted food as they forage through garbage and collect their unspoiled spoils.

Episodes

Each week, two teams (two divers per team) collect edible food from grocery store dumpsters in shopping carts (a la Guy’s Grocery Games). The second half of the show takes place in a studio kitchen equipped with showers, where the teams emerge squeaky clean and reveal their bounty. They are allowed certain swaps so that it’s even among both teams, and we watch them prepare a meal in a set time. Upon dramatic, heart-thumping music, the “taster” emerges to test each dish to ensure the food is not spoiled before three celebrity chef judges try the dishes. Each week one team is eliminated. There will also be commentary by food waste experts and a lawyer.

Finale

The winners from previous shows return and are assigned to two final teams. They must dive at two locations—a grocery store and a bakery—and the meal must include dessert.

Thrilling

Stealthily dressed characters in protective gear and flashlights enter gross-out zones so vivid, we can smell it. And celebrity chefs eating trash? Bon appétit!

Filling

The audience will learn eye-opening statistics about food waste in this country that will awaken and empower them to reduce waste.

#3 Kale Wars

Format

Four chefs park their kale carts next to anonymous fast-food chains in inner city food deserts. Each chef hands out samples of a kale dish he/she has made to introduce the fast-food eaters to a healthy alternative with the goal of starting a movement that demands more grocery stores and fresh produce be brought to the area.

Episodes

Each week takes place in a different food-desert city, from New Orleans and Memphis to Detroit and Chicago. The chefs must get passersby to taste their dishes and to join the “kale revolution.” The recruits sign a petition and agree to write letters, make phone calls to local government officials, go to city council meetings, etc. With chefs strategically staked out in different regions throughout the series, the revolution will spread as cities compete against each other. Each week, the four kale revolution chefs are judged by two chefs and one politician on their kale dishes, as well as the number and quality of recruits they sign up. The winner of each show donates money to a local food bank. 

Finale

The winning chefs from previous shows and cities all compete for the grand prize money that the winner will donate to a nonprofit related to food deserts.

Thrilling

Kale pushers on inner city streets gettin’ all up-in-your-face with burger-hungry folks? Hot dog!

Filling

The audience will learn about the millions of people in America who live without access to healthy food options, resulting in high levels of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.

And there you have it.

Food Network execs: Have your people call my people. I’m giving you first dibbs before I shop these gems around. 

Related Link:
More Food Network Pitches (the Out-takes)

Lentil Breakdown Turns Five!

Can I get a high five? If you can't muster the strength, I'll understand. This little blog has had plenty of days like that over the past few years. Okay, most days. But think of it as the Energizer Lentil. Still going. Sure, it's down to a sputter, but it still has a little get-up-and-go. Then when lentils are involved, you usually have to get up and go.

What's changed over the last five years? After discovering several food intolerances and radically altering my diet, I've become more focused on health and the state of our food supply. That's why I ask the hard questions like, "If 'natural flavor' is so natural, why doesn't it go by its real name?" 

So in honor of the leguminous occasion, I thought I'd share a couple of top five lists. Some of the results are surprising. If you missed these posts the first time around, don't worry. There's no expiration date. In fact, if they taste funny, it means they've aged well.

Lentil Breakdown's Top 5 Posts by Page Views 

1. How to be a Bad-Ass Anti-GMO Activist

2. Chocolate-covered Mint Leaves

3. Starving Artist Series: Beet Hummus

4. Travel Bite: Portobello Road, London

5. Travel Bite: Turkish Viagra

Top 5 Posts by Number of Comments

1. My Healthy Girl Scout Cookie Makeover

2. My Frugal Royal Wedding Canapés

3. My Chelsea Clinton Wedding Menu

4. What Lettuce Type are You?

5. Six Degrees of Al & Tipper’s Separation

Thanks for coming, and as long as I'm still going, I hope you'll be here for my next Lentil Breakdown.

Related Links:

Lentil Breakdown Turns One!

Lentil Breakdown Turns Two!

My Therapy Session with Dr. Sigmund Food (the Intervention)

Food Forward Field Trip to McGrath Family Farm

Though I grew up in Texas, I was no farm girl. In our house, “farm to table” meant watching Green Acres over a Swanson's meat loaf TV dinner. Farms were what we saw and smelled through the windows of a gold Delta 88 when we drove across state. But after starting this blog and studying our food system for the last five years, my inner farm girl was starting to emerge. 




I had been wanting to volunteer with Food Forward, a Southern California food-rescue group, and picking organic tomatoes seemed like the perfect opportunity. This hardworking nonprofit gleans fresh, local produce from private properties, public spaces and farmers’ markets that would otherwise go to waste and distributes it to people in need. The Food Forward credo revolves around Fruitanthropy: The picking, donating or distributing of fruit for humanitarian purposes. 



So I decided to take on L.A. rush-hour traffic on a Wednesday morning and make the hour-plus drive to McGrath Family Farm in Camarillo. Carbon footprint be damned. I was on a fruitanthropic mission. 



Top: tomatoes; Bottom: kale and fennel

McGrath Family Farm is located right off the 101 freeway in Ventura County in the thick of a $2 billion-dollar-a-year agriculture industry. The county's top crops are strawberries, avocados, raspberries, lemons, celery, tomatoes, peppers, flowers, nursery stock and cilantro. In a region teeming with pesticide use, McGrath has been a staunch practitioner of organic farming for five generations. With its deep topsoil, the perfect climate to grow year-round crops, and generous community outreach, the farm is a revered leader in the organic community. I worried about the freeway air looming over the heirlooms, but what can you do? When McGrath started, there was only farmland. A freeway moves in, and there goes the neighborhood.




McGrath sells a wide variety of produce directly to restaurants and farmers' markets, from strawberries, tomatoes, corn and squashes, to beans, stone fruits, citrus, greens and root vegetables. They also offer a community supported agriculture (CSA) program, educational farm tours, a u-pick farm for picking your own produce, and a roadside market. I was excited to buy some lima beans that were picked that day. Who knew these simple limas could be so fresh, so lovely and so who needs the French Laundry when I've got this bowl of beans?



It was last call for tomatoes, and we were there to pick all the heirlooms, cherries and Early Girls we could since the remains would be destroyed the next day. It was sad to see all the fruity road kill go to waste when they could've become a gleaner's gazpacho, but we had to move on to the ones that showed more promise. 



Bend…squat…sweat...repeat. Once I started picking, it didn't take long to see that farmworkers are about a 12 on the thankless job meter. It was a mere 80 degrees outside, but what's it like when it’s 100 under all those heavy, protective clothes?  



Working on an organic farm like McGrath must be like hitting pay dirt to a farmworker, as laborers on conventional farms face dangerous exposures to toxic pesticides with no adequate safeguards. Many groups are trying to get the Environmental Protection Agency to implement a worker protection standard for farmworkers like they have for other job sectors.



Not only do farmworkers have the lowest annual incomes of any workers in the U.S., one dies every day, and hundreds more are injured. Roughly half are undocumented immigrants—many living in substandard housing who can't afford to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. 



Those in favor of deportation should try working in the fields for a day. Maybe they'll see what it’s like to risk everything to put food on someone else’s table.



Thanks to McGrath Family Farm and Food Forward, there will be food on even more tables.



Over 800 pounds of tomatoes



Want to harvest food, fight hunger and build community? Go on a fruit pick or volunteer with Food Forward at your local farmers' market.

Related Link:

Hope on a Farm in Watts

On Health, Mötley Crüe and My Chemical Stew

Credit: iStockphoto / dmitryphotos

This article originally appeared on the food site Zester Daily.

I hope you don’t think it’s rude, but I’m restoring my gut flora as I type. Ever since I discovered that 90% of my health lives in my gut, I decided to take action. At this very moment, I’ve got 10 probiotic strains and 100 billion live cultures on my stomach’s stage. I’m trying to revive my good bacteria because the warm-up act was some heavy-metal thrashers.

I got tested for heavy metals, at my doctor’s behest, to see what was causing my liver congestion and inflammation. Turns out I have too much Alice Cooper. Sure, I have Freddy Mercury, Lead Zeppelin, and other Metallicas too, but my high volume of Alice, or aluminum, concerns me the most since my dad had Alzheimer’s. I’d like to detox, but not with one of those generic, kale-me-now juice cleanses. I want a chelation plan that’s tailored to my individual chemical body burden, or as I call it, Toxic Life Overload (TLO).

We all have TLO. I’m not special. The only difference is that I peed in some plastic jugs for two days and now I’m acquainted with the whole Mötley Crüe. The fact is, we live in a chemical stew of toxic food, water, air and products that we clean with, sleep with and slather on our skin.

Industrial chemical pollution begins in the womb. Lead, mercury, pesticides, BPA and up to 232 industrial chemicals have been found in umbilical cord blood of newborns. The Environmental Working Group tested over 200 people for 540 industrial chemicals and found 482 of them in their bodies. In 2010, the President’s Cancer Panel declared that the number of cancers caused by toxic chemicals is “grossly underestimated” and warned that Americans face “grievous harm” from largely unregulated chemicals that contaminate air, water and food. 

Is it a coincidence that over the last 30 years, the autoimmune epidemic has nearly tripled to over 100 diseases? Approximately 50 million Americans, or one in five people, suffer from autoimmune disease — 75% of them women — from MS, lupus, Crohn’s and Celiac to chronic fatigue, thyroiditus, rheumatoid arthritis and psoriasis. 

But I’m starting to think that knowing my TLO is TMI. I thought knowledge would lead to prevention, but I’m too busy worrying about Quiet Riot sneaking up on me to prevent anything but a good night’s sleep. From every BPA plastic container to each GMO corn kernel, I hear those Black Flag, Anthrax and Megadeth songs screaming in my head. 

Most diseases arise from the interaction between a person’s genetic make-up and the environmental agents that he or she is exposed to. Yet I’ve been reading up on the new science of Epigenetics, which is the theory that your thoughts and beliefs can alter your gene expression. I’m talking major shifts in cellular activity leading to physiological changes. Optimism, altruism, visualization, healing energy, meditation and prayer are all said to have epigenetic effects. 

Dr. Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief asserts that genes and DNA don’t control our biology—that DNA is controlled by signals from outside the cell, including the energetic messages emanating from our thoughts. Deepak Chopra claims there’s more and more evidence of the mind-body connection, and that we can transform our own biology by responding to all that we experience, including thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. He says that regardless of the genes we inherit, change at this level allows us almost unlimited influence on our fate.

Does that mean if I change the way I think, my dad’s Alzheimer’s won’t necessarily be mine? But what about Alice Cooper? Even though he’s not in my genetic makeup, he’s still in my blood. Thank god he’s not in my makeup. Who needs all that black and white shmutz on their face? Hey, was that gratitude? Maybe it really works!

Okay … here I go. I’m changing my tune. From now on, this Twisted Sister is gonna be more Pharrell Williams. Sure, his songs are lightweight, but at least they’re not heavy metal. If I could just turn down the volume, it might be music to my gut.

Because I’m happy … clap along … sing this song and turn off that Mötley Crüe …Happy … clap along, sing this song and stop stressin’ ‘bout the stew…