Monday, July 7, 2014

The Simple Truth: Marketing Gone Coconuts


A few weeks ago, a friend of mine who was going out of town gave me an open carton of Kroger’s Simple Truth coconut milk that he didn't want to go to waste. I glanced at the ingredients and blurted out, “You want me to drink this? Do I look like Vladimir Putin’s food taster?" Then I stood there reading the ingredients aloud with such oratory gusto, I could have been vying for the Toastmasters crown. 

"Coconut milk (filtered water, coconut cream, xanthan gum, carrageenan, guar gum), evaporated cane syrup, calcium carbonate, carrageenan, natural flavor, gellan gum, vitamin A palmitate, ergocalciferol (vitamin D2), cyanocobalamin (vitamin B12). 
Contains: Coconut!" I said with an ironic, final flourish.

He stood in stoic silence. "What did I ever do to you?" I said. "Was it the time I dragged you to that raw, vegan place? I thought you really dug the raw-sagna! Were you just faking it like that cashew cheese?" Suddenly he had to leave. Something about an ingrown hair he needed to take care of before his flight the next day. 

So I stood in stoic silence, holding a carton of coconut-like liquid that had violated my sensibilities. The simple truth is most of those faux milks are full of faux food substances in which I can easily detect the foe. Take natural flavor—that lab-concocted additive that adds flavor to prolong a product's shelf life. It tastes too real to be true. Yep, it’s got too much real in it. Frankly, If I wanted more real, I’d just have seconds on the real real. Oddly enough, this Simple Truth line of foods from Kroger and Ralphs goes so far out on a truth limb to brand itself as the healthy messiah, its message, Free From 101, is to tout all that it's not. Here's a screen shot from the website:

By emulating this brilliant marketing strategy, I figure that I can cash in with my own line of products. I haven't figured out what I'll sell yet, but I'm sure I'll think of something. In the meantime, my marketing copy is ready. Investors: get out your checkbooks. Cha-ching!

*Coconutmilk ingredients listed are for the sweetened one. The one in my photo is no longer on the website.

Related Links:

13 comments:

  1. I hate that when boogers and/or phlegm are part of the ingredients, even if they are organic.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gone are the days when the website pages displayed the undertakings and abilities of the website planners. web developer nuneaton

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is tied in with changing over an anon into a brand advocate, best case scenario. Accomplishing this goal keeps fundamentally nearly similar guidelines aside from the way that Social Media permits a closer, progressively close to home and adaptable, so to state Social methodology of the objectives.web designer nuneaton

    ReplyDelete
  4. Many in the business world, especially those who rely on sales and marketing for success, don't actually have a concrete grasp on exactly what sales and marketing are. Yes, the two are linked, but they are not one and the same.SEO IN WASHINGTON DC

    ReplyDelete
  5. Business marketing is the point at which a business markets and offers its products and enterprises to different businesses or associations. ad fluencer

    ReplyDelete
  6. Some of the digital tactics that fall under the umbrella of 'Digital Marketing' are digital advertising, email marketing, content marketing, pay-per-click, online brochures, and more.ronald banilov

    ReplyDelete
  7. These are SEO's who comprehend the SEO idea, who pioneer SEO techniques, and who don't generally pursue the pattern, however know the patterns.Webdesign

    ReplyDelete
  8. The first page of Google seo Press Release. You want your business to appear to be new and fresh all the time, this is where a press release can help. If you are starting a new service or improving some aspect of your business

    ReplyDelete
  9. Search engine optimization is one of the most well known trendy expressions in Internet marketing yet tragically most Internet advertisers essentially don't think enough about SEO to make this system work for them. Anna Liutko

    ReplyDelete
  10. From that point forward, the attention ought to be on putting the privilege and compelling substance on the site. 記事作成

    ReplyDelete
  11. Today, your clients will discover you on the Internet, in the event that you are not there, they will go to the following thing,Sandra Smith

    ReplyDelete
  12. The learning procedure can feel overpowering, particularly in the event that you are lacking in time,smmpanel vitality and cash.

    ReplyDelete