If you read my Notes from a Girl Scout Cookie Curmudgeon, then you know I have some issues with the cookies' unscout-like ingredients. If these cookies really embodied Courage, Confidence, Character, they'd have the Cahones to put health before profits. How is little Ashley or Madison going to get to the White House if she's all hopped up on high-fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oil and artificial color? I think our future Hillaries deserve better. So I have given the five top-selling Girl Scout cookies an all-natural makeover. These upgraded ingredients are guaranteed to have a Scout sitting in the oval office by her 12th birthday—or puberty—whichever comes first. Buh bye, sweet nuth-thin. Hello, minty fresh choco breath! If you ask me, Thin Mints should a) keep you thin, and b) be mint. With their hydrogenated oil and high-fructose corn syrup, the original fails on both fronts. What could be more svelte and refreshing than a chocolate-covered mint leaf? (See recipe) This zero-calorie leaf dipped in organic, child slavery-free dark chocolate is chock-full of flavonoids, antioxidants and polyphenols. Brilliant in its simplicity, (it's hard to be humble when you're a visionary), it is both nutritionally and aesthetically pleasing. Never mind that you have to eat a whole plant to be satisfied. A chocolate plant-based diet is good for you.
Now I want Samoa
If you're going to name Samoas® after the Samoan islands, shouldn’t they taste more like Polynesia than Polysorbate? Sure, it has chocolate and coconut to reflect two of their biggest crops, but the South Pacific Islands are also big pineapple producers. So I replaced the hydrogenated oil, corn syrup and caramel-filled cookie with an organic dried pineapple ring, sprinkled it with toasted organic shredded coconut and laced it with organic, fair-trade dark chocolate stripes. You won't even notice I left out the caramel (since you couldn't taste it anyway). Trust me. You’ll be wanting moa in noa time.
Do-si-don't and Do-si-d'oh!
No wonder the name Do-si-dos® refers to a square dance move. Eat too many, and the only dance hall you’ll fit into is a barn. And don't be surprised when your new square dance dress is a moo-moo. Since the original tastes more like cardboard than peanut butter, I've replaced the outer cookies with two mini rice cakes, so you won't even know the difference. I also eliminated the usual oil and corn syrup suspects inside and simply filled it with organic peanut butter. It may not be the most bingeworthy snack, but they're still satisfying in a it's-better-than-a-sharp-poke-in-the-eye kinda way.
Get lost, ol' Tagalong. Hello, new BFF!
Eat too many Tagalongs® and you’ll have to tag along because no one will want to be seen with you. So I replaced the caloric, hydrogenated oil-filled cookie with an organic banana chip, topped it with organic peanut butter and encased it in organic, child slavery-free dark chocolate. True, I’ve deviated from the original peanut butter and chocolate combo by adding banana, but get over it. You purists should just eat a spoonful of organic peanut butter and a fair-trade chocolate chunk if you're so devout. I’m trying to be creative here. When's the last time you solved a problem of this magnitude? No more trefooling. This is the real thing.
Calling Trefoils shortbread is like calling Gwyneth Paltrow a country singer. Shortbread requires butter, and this is made with soybean and/or palm oil, corn syrup and artificial flavor. The embossed Girl Scout logo is merely a Trefoil so you won't notice how short this shortbread falls. What makes real shortbread so delicious is real butter, so why not skip the pretense and simply have a delicious pat of organic, rBGH hormone- and antibiotic-free butter. That'll give a girl Courage, Confidence, Character, and Cholesterol.
Adair
ReplyDeleteYou are BRILLIANT
I wish all mothers in this country would read this post and heed the advice! Love the idea of chocolate covered mint leaves, and all the others. Always hated these girl scout cookies, but was afraid to say it loud and clear, especially as my kids were such devotees. You are my inspiration now! :)
Awesome!!! These all look so yummy -- I think your recreation of the Tagalong is my favorite :) And that carved pat of butter - I love it.
ReplyDeleteyou are hilarious! My favorite line: "It's hard to be humble when you're a visionary."
ReplyDeleteIndeed!
I rather eat your home made natural 100% goodness cookies any day over, overly enhanced girl cookies. But i have to say i still would eat some of the girl cookies if offered. Mainly Samoas® with coconuts in them, they have always been my favorites
ReplyDeleteI pause, reverent, in the presence of Food Blog Greatness.
ReplyDeletewhat a fantastic idea and very creative makeovers. Love this.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea. I guess they are probably trying to save money by using a lot of bad ingredients? Still, not a good lesson for kids! Your take on these looks great.
ReplyDeleteI can always count on you for an LOL!
ReplyDeleteMY favorite line"
"I’m trying to be creative here. When's the last time you solved a problem of this magnitude?"
Other than thin mints I have never had a girl scout cookie! Now I don't have to!! Start dippin' cuz I could eat a lot of your thin mints. GREG
ReplyDeleteI like rice cakes with real peanut butter. Your version of thin mints look great too.
ReplyDeleteNow you're making me hungry! thin mints dunked Miam!!
ReplyDeleteVery cute post Adair!!! But seriously, Girl Scout Cookies aren't as scary as you think!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat ever happened to "everything in moderation?" Everyone is so afraid of indulging themselves nowadays. Sure, don't make a hog out of yourself, but a little -- GASP -- high fructose corn syrup isn't going to kill you.
ReplyDeleteYou are a true genius! These are like little works of conceptual art. And to get serious for a second, the National Academy of Sciences determined that there is no safe level of trans fats, so why do cookies still include partially hydrogenated oils? It's shameful.
ReplyDeleteI also abstain from Girl Scout cookies due to the horrid ingredients. Your creations are genius! : )
ReplyDeleteVery cute. I love the thin mint & samoas!
ReplyDeleteSuch creative ideas! I especially love the pineapple Samoa makeover - fantastic healthy substitute :).
ReplyDeleteYour Somoas are beautiful. Making over Girl Scout cookies is a fabulous idea, and you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone! : )
ReplyDeleteVery clever! Love how you made these over. I bet they are soooo much better tasting, too.
ReplyDeleteooo I love it! the samoa is my favorite by far :)
ReplyDeletethey were better back in the day...and that was a looong day ago!
ReplyDeleteYep, a little HFCS, and a little transfat, isn't going to kill you. But over the decades, all the little "treats" can literally add up to pounds of the stuff, and your body has to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteOver time, ingestion of refined sugar products and HFCS can literally deactivate your pancreas, and transfats are a fairly direct route to heart disease. Everyone knows this! But companies ($$$) keep making the stuff.
As consumers, we must stop buying, and making mainstream, and giving our kids the impression it's okay to eat, faux foods that not only do not nourish, but do harm. Even WalMart will only stock stuff that actually sells. It's up to us to decide what that is.
Tell 'em, Becky! You go, girl!
ReplyDeleteYou are brilliant! Why nobody like the CPSC reslly takes on the Girl Scouts I don't know. Have you looked at what is in most ICE CREAM??? How about that wonderful elixir for the sick and immaciated elderly: Ensure (in all its incarnations)? Why not forget the recipes and just muckrake the profits off the charlatans? I get impatient with these people who say just a little wont hurt you. There is so much of this stuff out there that you dont even know you are eating in restaurants. It adds up and clogs up the arteries which pump oxygen to the BRAIN as well as the heart.
ReplyDeleteLoved your post - definitely some great subsitutes to the traditional GS cookies! It was witty and fun to read! Take care and hope to see you again soon!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.gocomics.com/fminus/2011/06/02
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